I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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