hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
