Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
