wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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