Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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