why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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