that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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