Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this just has baby written all over it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
did you just send me my own nude
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
