Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He did a backflip because drugs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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