I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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