Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
