Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
