I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
