i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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