A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
