So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
