i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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