actually, I'm a sock model
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
