Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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