drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
