I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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