just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize