just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
