Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
