just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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