Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
