Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
