honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
