I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
