If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Terrible idea I love it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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