I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
