the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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