I must be too annoying 4 u.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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