Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
