i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I looked at my own cervix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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