booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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