i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
