i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
