im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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