If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
