i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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