I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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