my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
