Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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