The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
