my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
