I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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