I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
