Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
