Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
