Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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