also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
