What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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