I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
