swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
