is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
