I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
