I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
