My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
