I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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