apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
