When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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