She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
