Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
