He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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