Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
