I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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