hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
