It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
