So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
