my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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