Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
