I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
